Small print, big attitude
Questions you politely didn’t ask
We answered them anyway. If we missed one, yell at us.
Most orders ship in 2 days. Free shipping kicks in at $35 — because we’re generous like that. Under $35, shipping’s calculated at checkout and it won’t ruin your day.
Oof — that’s on us, not you. A fresh one’s already on the way, no charge. Keep the first if it turns up; regift it to someone you mildly dislike. 🐎
30 days, no interrogation. If it’s unused and you’ve changed your mind, send it back. If your friend just has no sense of humor, that’s a them problem — but we’ll still take it back.
A well-placed “hell” or “ass”? On brand. Harder stuff gets the asterisk treatment (sh*t). We never punch down, never go gross. Cheeky, not crude. If a product’s a little spicy, it’s labeled.
For team gifts, weird office parties, or a wedding where everyone’s mildly roasted — yes. Drop us a line and we’ll sort it out.
It is — kraft paper, the works, +$4 at the cart. Add a gift note and we’ll write it so you take the credit.
The head ass in charge. He’s the logo AND the attitude — stubborn, soft underneath, and impossible to ignore. Read his origin story.